After the Storm
by Nessc
Summary: After giving her heart one too many times, Sam decides that enough is enough and she must learn to love herself first. When the process is complete,will she find the love that has alluded her?
1. Chapter 1

Sam jumped back in shock. She looked at Lucky as disbelief, rage and most of all hurt all warred within her. Quickly she went to the other side of the hot tub as Lucky's voice calling her back was drowned out by memories of the word he had just spoken. She ran into her bedroom and dressed hurriedly . She felt numb by what just transpired, but she knew she had to face him, so she took a deep breath, fortified herself and opened her bedroom door and went into the living room. Lucky stood there with a chagrined look on his face. He started talking and she really didn't hear a word he said until he had the audacity to bring up Jason. Jason? she laughed! What does Jason have to do with you calling me Elizabeth's name as we were about to make love? For weeks now you have been going on and on about Jason , even to the point of accusing me of having feelings for him. I asked for your trust , your faith in me. The same faith and trust I gave you unwaveringly. Sam ... No Lucky I am not finished! Time after time, when you were with Elizabeth , even when the boys weren't around, I trusted you, I didn't make a big deal out of it. Now after all your anger and frustration about what you thought was happening with Jason, I am left to wonder was it just an excuse, An excuse for you to do what you want , which is walk away to the woman you just called me in our most intimate moment. . Sam, you have every right to be angry. We started out so well and our ex's have gotten in the way, as Sam listened to him go on, she became increasingly cold inside. Lucky I don't want to deal with this right now. Please Leave she said as she opened the door. When I sat here and wanted to talk, you kept walking away, now when you need to say something it's different? just leave my house. Sam this doesn't have to be the end of us. Just think about it. After all we have been through, I don't want it to end over this. Sam kept her gaze averted and Lucky sighed and left.

As Sam closed the door she crumpled to the floor. She felt defeated inside. She thought about Jason and his betrayal. She thought about how at the darkest time of her life she found Lucky and how she began to heal. Every memory since they began came crashing back. She swore she would never give her heart, she was wary from the beginning, but he made her feel as if she could believe in him. That maybe, just maybe she could take a chance one more time. Afterall this was the man who knew what she went through, the man who had gone through the exact same thing. Now she just felt as if nothing would ever be right in her world again. Maybe it's karma she told herself. All the games she played with others lives, sleeping with married men, What she did to her own mother, Maybe this is what she deserved. Sam felt the first tear hit her hand and before she could stop herself, the floodgates opened and she was overwhelmed by pain and hurt. The tears started falling faster and heard herself sobbing uncontrollably.

After the storm was over she felt the cold hand of resolve squeeze her was left of it anyway. NEVER AGAIN will she leave herself vulnerable in that way ever went to the bathroom washed her face , came out retrieved her coat and prepared to face the next phase of her life.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Sam found herself at her mother's house. Unaware of how she got there or why she was here.

She knocked at the front door, unsure of her welcome. A little bit of dread mixed with hopefulness filled her chest. It was always the same when she sought her mother out. She plastered a smile on her face as the door swung open.

"Hi Mom", I was just in the neighborhood and thought I would drop by to see Kristina and Molly.

"Oh, I'm sorry Sam they went out with the Nanny for ice cream", but you are welcome to sit and visit for awhile. said Alexis.

Oh, no, no, I don't want to bother you, I know you probably have tons of things to do , Sam said as she agitatedly headed for the door.

OMG Sam would you SIT DOWN! sighed Alexis with a little bit of exasperation. It doesn't have to be this way, you being skittish every time we are around each other .It's not as if I am going to try and kill you , Alexis laughed .

Sam sat down across from the woman who gave her life , the woman she barely knew. She knew the major cracks in their relationship was primarily her fault. She felt she didn't deserve the chances Alexis had given her. She wanted to change that but didn't know how begin to bridge that gap.

Sam? Alexis called, pulling her out of her brooding contemplation. Is there anything you want to talk about ?

Well it's either now or never Sam thought. Lucky and I broke up, She blurted out.

Oh , I'm sorry to hear that Sam , Alexis acknowledged sympathetically.

I couldn't be with another person , not ever again who didn't want me, Just me. A few years ago, you tried to guide me and mold me into being a better person. However all I could see was Jason, All I wanted was to be with him. Nothing mattered , not even you and my sisters.

Sam looked at Alexis as the regret and shame for what she almost threw away washed over her.

Alexis faced Sam and took her hands into hers,.Sam ,she said, we have been over this and I forgave you.

You should not have! I said I was sorry before , but I never truly acknowledged the damage I did to Molly, Kristina and most of all you. I destroyed my sisters home, I defiled the place where they felt safe. I took your trust and the help you tried to give me and threw it all in your face in an act, I will forever be ashamed of.

Sam, Alexis interrupted......

No, Mom , I need to say this to you. I am sorry, she saw Alexis trying to interject, No! I need you to know that I know I was wrong, she said before Alexis could speak. . There is no excuse for the actions I took that night. No way I can justify sleeping with your husband and my sisters father. No words that would be acceptable for blowing your world apart.

That night when Jason left, I was devastated, I felt every thing I had was gone and I was left with nothing. I am ashamed to admit, my family never crossed my mind. I was filled with anger because I blamed you, I blamed you for what I perceived as you chasing Jason away when you were never there for me.

I felt at that moment that everyone always leaves, they all walk away from me. No one wants to stay. So I didn't care what I did, I blew your world apart and no alcohol , rage or anything else should have made me do that. I was selfish and destructive, you were right, I wasn't the type of person who should be around my sisters.

Even after I did that, I did so much more after Jason and I ended again, Things I can't tell, I am too ashamed to even mention it. All I can see sometimes is the need to destroy and tear apart those I feel have hurt me. I have never felt so alone as in the moment I did all the things I have done. I felt everyone will leave, My baby, Danny, The man I loved and even my mother who never loved me enough to stay.

Oh Sam!. Alexis sighed. I was a young girl when I became pregnant with you. I loved you from the moment I knew you were growing inside me. Yet I couldn't keep you, There was no way ,

I know, Sam interrupted....

No! you don't Alexis said. It was in an impossible situation. I wanted to keep you, but it wasn't allowed. A part of me knew in my heart it would be better if you were raised by others than the life I grew up in.

It hurt to let you go, but I felt I did the right thing. You will never know how it pains me to know how you grew up.

Sam when I found out you were my daughter and the life you led, I felt so guilty. It was why I tried with all my determination to show you a better way of life. I know my ways seemed overzealous, but I wanted to make it up to you. I wanted you to see life could be better than what you were seeing with Jason.

I know, I just didn't see it then, Sam said ,I couldn't accept that you were right.

When I saw you with my husband on the floor at one of the lowest and scariest times of my life, I literally wanted to kill both of you.

Sam sat a little shocked by the admission.

However , Alexis said, I knew I couldn't waste that type of emotion and energy on the both of you. I was in a fight for my life. I had to do everything possible to fight to live for my girls. Even if that meant letting you and Rick live , Alexis laughed shakily.

The thing is Sam I have forgiven you. I forgave you for Rick, I forgave you for Jerry.

About Jerry Sam began …....

No it's over. I have FORGIVEN you, not really for you, but for ME. I can't and won't hold on to old hurts. I have two.... three beautiful daughters if you can see yourself as that.

Tears shined in Sam's eyes. I want that, I want to have my family. I want a mother and I want to build a relationship with you. It's up to you , Mom.

No Sam! Alexis said firmly, it's up to you. I will not tolerate the behavior and disrespect you have shown me. I won't allow that around Molly and Kristina. So if this is what you truly want, you have to accept what it means to be in a family. There are boundaries that can't be crossed. Sleeping with my man is one of them. You won't have another chance to turn that destructive behavior this way .

You never have to worry about that ….

I hope so,Alexis said . Families love one another, come to each other when the world has gone crazy, tell each other the truth when it hurts, especially at those times. You have a family here. You just have to accept the Responsibility of having one Sam . I can't do that for you.

I am willing to try Mom, I am going to make you proud of me.

No, Sam, you need to work on being proud of yourself and learning to love and accept who you are. Then everything will begin to fall in place.

Sam shook her head in agreement.

Alexis stood up and reached for Sam, They hugged and Sam felt that little corner of dread in her heart melt . Thank you , Mom she whispered as she left.

As the door closed behind her, the tears started falling, This time they were not heartrending, painful sobs. These felt different. They were the tears of release. Releasing all the guilt, pain, anger ,resentment and insecurity she had amassed in a lifetime. As they continued to roll down her face, she felt herself smile genuinely for the first time that day.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam stepped into her new office with excitement and a little fear in her heart. This was hers. The first step in gaining her independence on the right side of the law. She had found someone willing to partner with her who who subsidize her and help her acquire the experience she needed for full censurer as a PI. She swirled around in her chair and giggled. Something very UN-Sam McCall like. The door suddenly opened.

Her mouth flew open in surprise.

"Um yes, Can I help you she stammered , caught unaware by the intrusion"

"First rule of a PI is to always be aware of your surroundings".

" Did you need anything Mr.....?

" My name is Gabriel Daniels." I am your new partner.

"How do you know who I am ? Sam asked.

" I make it my business to know everything about the people I work with Samantha".

Sam resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "That's nice" she replied. "You can call me Sam. It is what everyone else calls me. ''

"Thanks, but I like Samantha just fine."

"Sam was immediately annoyed and instantly regretting taking on a partner, especially this one

Well Mr. Daniels, Your desk is over there. Make yourself at home."

"Call me Gabriel, Mr. Daniels in my father, he grinned."

"Very well Gabriel make yourself at home. I will brief you on the case that just came in. The client Raina Daniels came in and she is asking us to help in the disappearance of her daughter."

"How old is she? "

"She will be 7 next week."

"Are the police involved? How long has she been missing?"

"She has been missing since was three, the police have her in the missing files case but have in all essence given up finding her alive. The mother has always maintained her ex-husband had something to do with the disappearance."

"What leads her to believe this?"

"He is powerful, Comes from a rich family and has high connections in society. He moved from the area, right after the little girl went missing. Police interviewed and watched him and found nothing."

"So what makes you believe that this case is worth taking on the thought of a mother's suspicion?"

Sam sighed. "The mother received a call telling her that her daughter was alive and well and living with the father. Given the history of the woman and law enforcement you can imagine how well that went over."

"So what is motivating you to help?"

"Does it matter? I want to help. If she alive, then a mother should be wither daughter, with her child. That is too precious of a bond to severe Sam ,said fiercely."

"You seem extremely passionate about it. Is it the loss of your little girl that prompts this?"

Sam felt something slam into her chest and was immediately angry. "Oh so , I guess you REALLY did do your homework huh? Did you do it better than the last people who said they looked into my sordid and lascivious past? Did you get all the nasty, horrible details? Did your squirm when you found out your partner was a convicted whore? That she married men and skipped town with their money? That she sleeps with her family members husbands and any other man that she sees available?"Sam could feel herself on the verge on losing what little control she had left. She watched him as he stared at her from those cold gray eyes that were essentially emotionless. "Well?" She demanded!

"Are you finished with your tantrum?" he asked softly.

Sam was stunned momentarily into silence. A rare thing for her.

"Good. Yes Samantha , I know all about your past. Every little detail. Yet none of it matters , we are partners and at the end of the day how you do this job is all that matters and those are the skills I am counting on. Oh and a little advice."

"I don't need your advice." she told him defensively.

"Well take it anyway. Not everything is an attack. Not everyone wants to hurt you. Sometimes a question is just a question. He stood up and headed for the door .I am going to go get lunch, do you want anything ?"

No!

As he walked out the door, he turned.

"Samantha?"

Sam turned and looked at him still fuming. "What?"

"You are quite beautiful when you are angry" , he laughed and walked out.

Sam sat there and her mood of happiness had vanished to be replaced by a feeling of unease. "He is such an ass, she fumed."

Who is? Maxi said as she entered the office. Looking around she said NICE!!!

"My new partner"Sam sighed.

"Ohhh, Is he the sexy hunk that just walked out?!"

"I don't find anything remotely sexy about him"

Then you weren't looking , he oozes it. Anyway it is time you got back in the game. Just give him a ride just to get the juices flowing again

"MAXI! " Good grief! I am not interested in that. I have sworn off men and all that they entail. My heart will not be getting out of it's casing for a very long time. It is tucked away safely . Besides I don't believe in love. It is just something people say to each other because they are sleeping together."

"Maxi looked at her friend and felt a hint of sadness." She didn't know what to say. It pained her to hear her speak of love with such a defeated and negative attitude." She wanted her to find what she had with Cooper.

"Sam noticed Maxi's quietness. Oh don't get maudlin she laughed. I am quite happy. This is the way I should have always been. It never turns out well when I let emotions rule, so I just don't anymore."

"Sam, one day I hope you will eat those words because I want to you to fall in love, deeply with a man that will heal all those doubts and fears you have about your past. Show you that you can move past the mistakes you made and still find unconditional love. I want that for you because you are my best friend and no one deserves it more."

Sam looked at Maxi. "Thank you Maxi for being my friend and wanting that for me." I appreciate your friendship more than you know."

Awe, "Give me a hug". Sam laughed, and they hugged." I will see you later "Maxi said.

Sam sat back down and stared into space. "A tiny part of her heart still wished for what Maxi spoke of, but she ruthlessly shut it down". She wasn't meant for love. She had been shown this time and time again. "I will never open my heart to anyone else to stomp on" she murmured to herself. My life is better this way"she said trying to convince herself as she felt moisture gather at the corners of her eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam walked out her office a little tired but it was a good tired. A feeling of accomplishment and embarking on the was so preoccupied that she didn't notice the guy coming toward her and walked right into him. She was startled as she looked up into the face of the man she had loved more than anything once.

"Hi Sam" said Jason.

"Jason, hi how are you?"

"I'm good what are you doing out here? he asked

Sam arched one eyebrow at the question, but thought better about making a big deal out of it.

" I opened my own PI agency and I am on my way home from my first day at work".

"Congratulations!" Sam if you have a moment there is something I want to talk to you, could we sit and talk for a minute?"

Sam contemplated whether she wanted to ruin her day with talk about with what would most assuredly be the not she thought, as one chapter opens, it's time to put another to rest.

"Sure" Sam said a little warily.

They walked for awhile in brief silence, then came upon the docks and sat down upon the bench. Sam thought about the time when she was pregnant and Jason defended her against a woman who belittled her about being pregnant without being married. She remembered when they sat here and he told her he wanted her in his life even if the baby that ended up being his was indeed his. She remembered standing here also while it felt her life was being torn apart by a lie he had willingly told her. She laughed ironically to herself. This is the best place to put to rest this part of my life as any.

"Sam " Jason tapped her shoulder gently trying to get her attention.

"Oh I am sorry" , I was a million miles away. she laughed ruefully.

"Sam I know you must hate me?". Jason asked almost questioningly

Sam held up her hand to stop him before he could say more.

"Jason I don't have it in me to hate you. It is such a wasted emotion. I can't let ANYONE have that much power over me and my life ever again.I can never allow such an emotion to overtake me. Not anymore. I am a stronger person than that. I have more respect for myself".

"It's just that I know I hurt you". I am sorry that I caused you pain.I am sorry that I lied to you. I was wrong and I just needed you to know that.

" Thank you for that Jason". Yes you hurt me, but I have healed from that and my life is more full than it has ever been. I know now that sometimes things happen for a reason. It may be the most painful experience that has ever occurred but it needs to happen.. When I found out about Jake, I waited for you to be honest with me, to tell ME the woman you said you loved the truth. Maybe I should have confronted you, but I made a choice not to. It killed me that you had a part of your life you didn't want to share with me. However more than anything it hurt me. I came to you with everything.I shared my child with you, the good, the bad and the ugly. In the end you wouldn't do that for me.

Sam I was trying to protect your feelings. I knew you would never have my child, how could I tell you another woman was going to?

"Jason how could you NOT?!. That is what people who love each other do. They tell the truth because a lie festers waiting to destroy everything in it's path. YES it would have hurt. However what hurt the most is that for months you had a secret with another woman. You had this expectation of bringing your first child into the world, but with another woman. All those times I was so stupid believing your pain was about your father's death, I had no clue it was anything but that and yes, I felt like such a fool when I recognized I was wrong and very much so.

"There is another thing. About Jake. I never understood even if you were angry at me Sam , how you could come after my child? I loved your child. I loved her as if she were my own. I cared for your brother the way I thought you would. How could you do that to me?

"I honestly don't know Jason. I won't offer any excuses to cover what I did. I was angry, I was in fact enraged and hurt. I wanted you to know how it felt. Both you and Liz. I wanted you both to feel the mind-numbing sadness and despair I felt as I lived with the lie I had heard. I wanted you both to suffer. It may not be pretty, in fact it is ugly as sin, but I still did it. At the time how I accomplished it didn't matter. I am not proud about what I did.I will live with that forever. Not proud about how I allowed all of what happened to take me to a place I never thought I would you threatened my life something died in me. It was every dream I ever held for us snuffed out like a candle.

Sam I didn't....... Jason began shaking his head in the negative.

"Oh !but Jason you DID mean it. I know you did. I even understood somewhat. That day served like no other to wake me up and see what I kept refusing to see. It led me on the path I am on now. I am sorry once again for what I did regarding the kids. I can't take it back. I undertsand if you don't want to forgive me I have no control over that, but I needed to say that to you."

"What do we do now?" Jason asked.

"We say goodbye". Sam whispered. I forgive you for everything that has happened. I wish you well with everything you plan to do with the rest of your life. I carry the good memories of what you brought to my life and I always will. You taught me real love, trust and gave me my first taste of romantic love. I will never forget that. I can never hate you for those reasons, but I know I can't hold on to the past anymore. The hating, regretting and lashing out it is not in me to do anymore. Regarding anyone. That is not the woman I want to be. I am not the woman who loved you anymore. . So I forgive you for the lies, deceit, emotional cheating. All of it. For your sake, but also for MINE..... Goodbye Jason. She stood, took his face in hers and kissed him softly on the lips.

While Sam walked away, she realized something amazing. It doesn't hurt anymore she thought and smiled softly to herself.


	5. Chapter 5

Sam pulled out her case file and looked at the little girl who a mother had pinned all her hopes on was still alive. Daniela Wesley. She wanted more than anything to be able to go to her mother and give her the news that her child had been found and that she would be returning to her loving arms. Sam heard the door open and looked at her new partner as he strode in with two cups of coffee.

Starting Early? Gabriel asked, handing her the coffee.

I am just going over the case once again to see where to begin. It seems an open and shut case against the father. There wasn't anything that would arouse suspicion that he would ever take the child from her mother.

Then why are we even taking this case, Samantha?

Gabriel something in my gut is telling me that there is more to this. I believe that there is a possibility that this child is one, alive and two, someone who knows her has her.

Gabriel looked at Samantha and saw the earnest need in her to find this little girl. However he knows what can happen when you allow yourself to become emotionally invested in a case.

Samantha, what happens if you can't find this little girl? What if there is no happy ending? Gabriel asked.

Sam thought about what she hadn't allowed herself to fathom .That she might not succeed. Gabriel my gut tells me that I have reason to hope. That this little girl is alive and that she needs my help. Believe me I know all about stories not ending in happily ever after. I am not that naive, I know more than I want about the cold reality, that life can be a bitch. IF it doesn't turn out as I hope, I will be sorry but know that I gave a mother grieving everything I could.

Gabriel watched the passion she had for this case, wash over her face. Okay Samantha, where do you want to start?

I want to go interview the mother one more time. Oh and can you please just call me Sam?

I think Samantha suits you much more than Sam, so No Samantha, I can't grant your request, he laughingly said then winked at her.

Sam rolled her eyes, grabbed her notes, snorted and walked out the office.

Gabriel smiled and genuinely felt happier than he had in months as he followed her out into a new PC day.

Ms. Wesley Can you tell us everything you remember about that day, Sam asked softly.

Ms. Wesley sighed and started to recount her last moments with her daughter. I went into her room and woke her up for school. I had given her a bath the previous night so she went into her bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. She is a very independent little girl. She picked out what she wanted to wear and even got herself dressed. We sat down and ate breakfast and she told me how she won the lead in her school play. I always try to have these little moments in the morning with her because I work and the mornings are our private, quiet time together. Sam could see the tears in the woman's eyes and her grief at never having those moments again. A part of her could relate to that loss. The loss of the little things hopes and dreams.

I walked her into the building. I always do because I want to make sure she is actually inside. I wanted to prevent something like this from happening, yet even this wasn't enough, she said as her voice broke with unshed tears. Gabriel held her hand and coaxed her to continue. When I walked into the school to take her back home, they told me she never arrived. They told me that they had a note from me saying she had a doctor's appointment and would not be in the next day. From that moment I just don't remember much else. I know my little girl is out there. I would know if she were not in this world. I am her mother! I would KNOW!

Ms. Wesley one more question. Why do you believe your husband has her?

My husband was very bitter when the courts gave me custody. He couldn't understand how a little nobody like me beat him out for primary custody. After all he is a wealthy man. After she disappeared so did he, but the police said he has an alibi and they have no reason to suspect him. I do because he kept making all these threats about me never seeing her again and then he just stopped, his demeanor changed and he was so nice to me. A part of me knew something was wrong, I just couldn't prove it. He has my baby; I NEED you to bring her home.

Ms. Wesley, if your daughter is out there. We will do everything in our power to bring her back to you. She looked into those steel gray eyes and the conviction in them reassured her as nothing had since her daughter went missing. Thank you, I believe it. Mr. Daniels, Miss McCall I await the good news.


	6. Chapter 6

Sam let herself into her apartment and went directly to her hot tub. She needed to have a soak and allow herself to unwind after such a emotionally trying day. She pulled on her white bikini, lit a few candles and turned on some soft music. After about 5 minutes the doorbell rings. ARGHHHHH she moaned. She decided to ignore it but the knocking became more insistant. Fine! she climbed out and wrapped her white robe with silver trimming around her. She flung open the door. This better be go... ! Sam stopped in mid sentence as she saw Gabriel standing there. Gabriel was momentarily at a loss for words as he took in the slightly damp hair, robe that clung to her body allowing him a full glimpse of every beautiful curve.

"Hi, Samnatha" , he said.

Sam felt strangely cold as she saw the admiration he couldn't hide in those steel gray eyes.. They always react like this she thought contemptously. They see her body and immediately their minds wander to ways of getting it. Sam felt her hackles rise.

" What do you want Gabriel.?" She asked.

Gabriel felt the temperature in the atmosphere drop almost 20 degrees. he cocked his head sideways and smiled

"Well Samantha , that is a very loaded question." he laughingly replied.

Sam was not amused and felt her temper rise immediately.

"What exactly do you want other than to look at me as if I am some sort of meat that you can have for your pleasure? " I can assure you that I am not and I don't appreciate you staring at me as if I would just drop backward for you the moment you turn those gray eyes in my dierction. I know what you think you know about me but YOU DO NOT KNOW me. she breathed heavily as she finished her tirade, whiskey colored eyes flashing.

The smile dropped from Gabriels face." Samantha, You left your phone in my car" .he said handing it to her. Now, " I looked at you because you are a stunningly beautiful woman and yes as a man I appreciated what I saw in front of never did I say anything about you falling backward for me. Maybe next time you should wait until you are asked before denying a request that was never made. Futhermore Samantha , he said walking closely up to her and holding her chin to meet his piercing gaze, I am NOT them. I have not hurt you, disrespected you, used you, abused you or treated you like you didn't matter. I have treated you like the beautiful woman you are. I won't be paying for another man's mistakes. Understand?

Sam was speechless for a moment and couldn't reply.

"Understand?" Gabriel demanded.

"Yes" , Sam whispered.

"Good", Gabriel turned and left.

Sam closed the door and sank slowly to the floor and cried.


	7. Chapter 7

Sam got up and went to sit on her couch feeling embarrassment clench in her breast and like a total fool for mis-reading the situation. Man he must think I am a total nutcase. UGH! How am I even going to begin to face him at work tomorrow? Sam hears a knock at the door and dread washes over her. Please do not be him. She contemplates not answering at all but that would be childish. The knock became insistent.

"Sam" Open up It's me Maxi!

Sam breathed a sigh of relief. She opened the door. Maxi took in the silky robe and disheveled hair and grinned evilly.

"Wow did I interrupt something?" Let me just leave.

"NO! Maxi don't be ridiculous, I was just in the hot tub"...

Maxi rolled her eyes." Sam what is the use of having a hot tub if you don't bring something pretty home to play in it with?" Maxi, I already told you I am through playing with *pretty things*. I have to get my business off the ground and I would just rather be alone. Too much hassle involved with being involved.

"Well for being in the hot tub, you sure don't look relax. See now if you would have had some hotness in there you would be totally Zen right now", maxi giggled.

Maxi I am going to kill you one of these days. I was relaxing with Gabriel came over.

"OHHHH tell me more" Maxi squealed.

"Please, it was a nightmare. I totally overreacted and accused the guy of wanting to bed me right here on my living room floor. Now I feel completely mortified. He only wanted to return my phone. He was being nice and I insulted him."

"Well Sam why did you accuse him of that? Did he do something?

"No, he just looked at me. I guess he liked what he saw. It annoyed me. Men have always looked at me like I am meat. Always treated me like that also. I guess I just went on the defensive and snapped. He looked at me as if I were insane. I mean what why would he want me. He knows about my past. ALL of it. I am surprised he actually wanted to work with me. "

"Damn Sam could you just stop! "

Sam looked up shocked. "What?."

"The pity role you play. You made mistakes, bad mistakes. It happened. The only person who is holding on to them is you. You have given control of your self to others and what they feel and think. I have messed up many times but I accept that and just go on because if I don't I become an emotional cripple. Sam as much as I love you that is what you are becoming. Afraid to be you, Afraid to fall in love, Afraid to do anything because you might feel something and that can't happen. I don't want that for you Sam, You deserve more than that. Stop being a coward and just let go and live. "

"Maxi you don't understand. I have done that, I took a chance and it tore me apart. I did again and while it hurt less, I just can't put another piece of me out there for someone to tear apart and throw back. I can't do that.

"Well Sam maxi got up handing her the wine she brought as a gift. I hope for your sake, that heart you have so sheltered, takes the choice right out of your hands.


End file.
